Relationship a pal you’ve identified for years can go one in all two methods. Greatest case state of affairs, you find yourself like Monica & Chandler and stay fortunately ever after. Worst case state of affairs, it doesn’t work out, you wrestle to get your friendship again, and also you’re left questioning why you ever thought it was a good suggestion thus far.
However wait, there’s one extra risk. You understand you’ve obtained emotions in your pal, however you’re too scared to say something or danger your friendship, and also you spend the remainder of your life questioning, “what if….” Belief me, you don’t need to be there, residing a lifetime of woulda coulda shoulda. So I’m all for relationship a pal, however there are some issues to contemplate earlier than taking that step.
Do you know that research present we discover individuals extra enticing as soon as we get to know them? So falling for a pal is pure. Psychology professor Jessica Cameron has achieved plenty of analysis on pals who develop into a pair and suspects that {couples} who begin as pals are inclined to have happier, stronger relationships. Why? As a result of romantic relationships are extra fulfilling when there’s a friendship. She’s in the midst of researching whether or not that is true. Plus, in a 2021 survey, two-thirds of respondents stated their present associate began as a pal.
So, if you’re serious about relationship a pal, you’ve obtained analysis in your nook.
7 Issues to consider earlier than relationship a pal
1. Do not forget that good pals don’t essentially make good romantic companions
Simply since you’re finest pals with a man and everybody tells you ways cute of a pair you’d make doesn’t routinely imply you’ll have a clean transition to a romantic relationship. Pleasant relationships and romantic relationships are totally different and require various things from individuals. In a romantic relationship, you’ve obtained to speak successfully, make selections collectively, compromise, navigate bodily intimacy, perceive one another’s love languages, and be dedicated. You could discover you’re not suitable in these methods.
2. Are you seeing him clearly?
After we’re drawn to somebody and have a crush on them, it’s frequent to view that individual by rose-tinted glasses. You would possibly solely see optimistic issues and be blindsided by his flaws and the polar variations between you.
Positive, you would possibly love the identical TV reveals and be equally hooked on pizza, however possibly you may have totally different values and way of life decisions. And since you’re crushing, you concentrate on the previous whereas ignoring the latter. However you’ve obtained to be trustworthy with your self if you happen to’re contemplating relationship a pal. Do you assume you’re suitable in a romantic method? Are you able to see your self constructing a life collectively?
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3. Examine in and see if you happen to’re on the identical web page
Earlier than relationship a pal, get actual about how possible it’s that he feels the identical method. Have you ever seen any indicators that he wish to be greater than pals? For instance, does he flirt with you, praise you, or keep away from speaking about ladies he’s seeing with you? Additionally, take note of his physique language. Sturdy eye contact, mirroring your physique, leaning in throughout the dialog, and discovering excuses to interrupt the bodily contact barrier are all indications he would possibly such as you greater than a pal.
You’ll most likely know if he has caught emotions as a result of human beings aren’t nice at hiding how we really feel!
4. Handle your expectations
The wonderful thing about relationship a pal is you possibly can keep away from the game-playing and potential awkwardness of assembly a complete stranger and having to construct a connection from nothing. You’ve obtained a stable basis to construct on, and also you most likely know so much about one another already. You’re feeling secure with him and might have deeper conversations that you just most likely wouldn’t have with a stranger.
However whereas relationship somebody you already know might help you skip previous the standard relationship section and echo the nice and cozy, fuzzy emotions of a brand new relationship, there are sure to be different questions in your thoughts. For instance, will the connection work? And if it doesn’t, will our friendship survive?
5. Are you each able to be in a relationship?
You’d be stunned how many individuals overlook this, however it’s important to contemplate it earlier than relationship a pal.
To begin with, are you each single? As a result of if different individuals are concerned, you’ve obtained to contemplate their emotions – don’t be a homewrecker! Second, did one in all you simply come out of a relationship or a nasty breakup? It takes some time to heal and be in a spot the place you’re able to date once more, even if you happen to have been the one who initiated the breakup. He would possibly solely be focused on one thing informal proper now. Are you each going to be in the identical place for the foreseeable future, or does one in all you may have plans to maneuver states or international locations for work?
These are all necessary issues to contemplate as a result of they have an effect on whether or not you’re able to be in a relationship. If one or each of you isn’t, then there’s no level even serious about relationship.
6. How will you navigate the transition from pals to relationship?
Earlier than relationship a pal, you’ve obtained to contemplate the way you’ll transition from pals to romantic companions. For instance, how do you each really feel about PDA (public shows of affection)? Will you develop into unique instantly or give yourselves time to regulate earlier than placing a label on it? Will you spend extra time collectively than you already do, or much less?
Though the inspiration of friendship is a good place to start out, transferring to companions will be awkward when you already know one another so effectively and already hang around often. Take a while to debate the above, and it will probably squash a few of the issue.
7. What’s going to occur if you happen to begin relationship your pal and it doesn’t work out?
No one begins a brand new relationship considering it’s not going to work out. Heck, if all of us did that, no one would ever begin one! But it surely’s necessary to contemplate, significantly whenever you’re already pals. Some ladies are nice at being pals with their exes, however usually, I don’t advocate it as a result of this hinders you from absolutely transferring on after a breakup. So in case your relationship does finish, it could be the top of your friendship, a minimum of whilst you grieve and attempt to heal. That doesn’t imply issues can’t or gained’t return to how they have been, however you will need to take into account.
In the event you do discover you break up and wrestle to get again to pals, hanging out along with mutual pals could make it simpler by creating a way of normality.
4 The reason why relationship a pal is a good concept
1. Friendship is without doubt one of the three parts of the lasting love system
In our Love Accelerator program, we train the lasting love system:
Attraction + Compatibility + Friendship = Lasting Love
As you possibly can see, friendship is without doubt one of the three key parts for a connection and love that lasts. That’s why beginning as pals first is a good basis to construct on, particularly if you happen to’ve caught emotions.
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2. You already take pleasure in one another’s firm
The most effective elements of relationship a pal is that you just already spend time collectively since you take pleasure in one another’s firm. There’s no superficial cause or ulterior motives comparable to appears to be like, cash, or standing.
A 2015 research discovered that {couples} who have been pals earlier than they began relationship differed extra in ranges of bodily attractiveness than {couples} who began as strangers. Researchers instructed that those that had a friendship have been extra drawn to their associate’s character quite than appears to be like or that they grew to become extra bodily attracted over time due to their character.
This can be a good spot to be as a result of it doesn’t matter how handsome somebody is; bodily attraction all the time fades over time, so that you’d higher just like the individual sitting reverse you on the dinner desk; in any other case, issues will go south rapidly!
3. You recognize him effectively
One more reason I’m all for relationship a pal is that you just already know a terrific deal about one another’s likes, dislikes, values, quirks, and flaws. There’s already a stage of belief, consolation, and familiarity, and this may make that preliminary relationship section much more pleasant than it’s with a stranger.
You’re not attempting to determine if there’s a serious incompatibility, if he needs marriage and youngsters as a lot as you do, or if he’s attempting to sleep with you. You additionally don’t must look beneath the roses and champagne to see what this man is like when he’s not attempting to impress you – you already know. This implies you possibly can speak extra brazenly and actually than if you happen to had simply met, and it’ll put you each in a extra relaxed vibe the place you possibly can concentrate on having enjoyable.
4. There’s a basis of care & heat to construct on
The ultimate cause relationship a pal is a good concept is since you already care so much about one another; in any other case, you wouldn’t be pals. There gained’t be any game-playing, ghosting, or pulling away when issues get critical since you love and respect one another and your friendship method an excessive amount of to do this.
Naturally, you’ll have considerations working by your thoughts like, will it work, and if it doesn’t, will our friendship survive? However since you’re pals, you possibly can focus on all of those scary questions collectively with out it feeling heavy or awkward.
Conclusion
Relationship a pal comes with its dangers, identical to any relationship does. However if you happen to’ve caught emotions, and also you assume you’d make a terrific couple, then you definitely owe it to one another to offer it a strive. Nobody needs to stay a life questioning, what if… Plus, if you’re nearly as good pals as you assume you might be, belief that if issues don’t work out romantically, you’ll ultimately be capable to salvage a friendship.
Have you ever ever dated a pal prior to now? Is there a pal in your life who you’ll take into account relationship? What are your largest considerations about transitioning from pals to extra? I’d love to listen to your experiences on this topic, so drop me a remark beneath!
